There are two kinds of people in this world...

Sometimes I allow myself to feel bitter, to see persecution in the probably innocent comments of others, but I often feel strongly that there are two kinds of people in this world; those who have children and those who don't. And although one of those groups finds its origin in the other, they seem to have forgotten about their humble beginnings in the child-less group. And then there's people like me, who are not in the "child-less" group by choice, and are so conflicted in their emotions, that it hurts when we are "one-upped" by people who have kids, because that life is so much more difficult or better or challenging or rewarding or to be admired. True, I have NO concept of what YOUR life is like, but I tend to feel that YOU have NO concept of what my challenges are either! And that if I had a magic wand, I would have as many children as you have, I would have experienced all the blood, sweat and tears that you have experienced. So my desire is, to never forget that everyone's experiences are unique, and can be challenging and rewarding to just them, and are not to be diminished by me, even though I may have something they don't. So, is this a rant? or is this a note to myself to not forget how it feels to go without and be "one-upped" by people who have?

Obsession, boy howdy!

Okay, so bear with me, but my life revolves around the forest that is on my dining room table right now. I can not even describe the levels of which this obsession has truly seeped into my very soul. It's downright scary.

I have finally tried to back-track to early March, when I began the planting, and recreate a gardening journal, something that they tell you to do, so you can actually learn and remember for next time, so you don't screw it up again! And have I learned a LOT, and I haven't even got this thing in the ground yet! Well...I have like 20% in the ground, but cold weather crops are a breeze in this cold weather climate I live in. In my efforts to get things written down, I now realize the wisdom in keeping a gardening journal from the beginning. I'm sure it was pure arrogance that kept me from doing it from the beginning, me of course thinking "Oh, it will all work out, nothing will go wrong, I just intuitively know what I'm doing!" haha, WRONG! I have cukes dying on me, tomatoes that are seriously pushing 4 feet tall, and then I have plants that are FAR TOO SMALL to plant outside, and I am just depressed when I see how big the starts are of say...eggplant or cucumber are, at the store. So, my timetables, and my "intuition" were not always spot-on, I have lots of improvements to make for next year. Already. If nothing else, this endeavor is teaching me humility. More on gardening later, TRUST ME!

So, emotionally, I'd say I'm doing okay, not great, but not bad either. Work is in a funny place, I have lost practically my entire case-load, I'm now down to 1.5 clients, or maybe 8 hours a week. LAME and not lucrative. My job is such that clients will ebb and flow, and I can't just get a new one over night. The intake process takes weeks, so it's slow to build up, which sucks when you lose them overnight.